I Dream of Watching Soaps asks...

"My issue is that I have a hell of a time taking constant criticism from my superiors at work. I don’t mind constructive criticism, but constant; you’re not doing this right, or that, or anything else for that matter…it gets pretty old. How do I handle my situation with ass holes like this? And how long should I put up with it before quitting my job and locking myself in my bedroom to watch soap operas all day? "

Dear Soap - You know I have to get to the root of the problem first. Stop using that word "superiors." That's your first problem

I ain't met these folks but I am almost positive from reading your email that
1. you work for the government
2. your boss is either a woman who is jealous of how cute you are or they are a man who's jealous of you because they also wish they were as cute as you are and
3. your job IS A DAMN SOAP OPERA! Those pretty bitches on daytime tv wouldn't know drama if it jumped up and slapped them. The idiots you work with are way more entertainment. YOu have to learn to loosen up and see this from the right perspective. Make a list of 10 freaks you work with and imagine their homelife. see? made you laugh didn't I?

Now for how to handle the criticism. Start crying really hard and blow snot on them next time they try some of that verbal warfare. If they wanna fight let's have one. See if their complaints keep up when you have blown a big biohazard snotwad crying fit all over them. Make sure you stand real close. Hug them if you can get ahold of them. It's important to recognize the situation from time zero and get yourself manuevered into the right spot. I know it's hard to dredge up the emotion required for a big cry over some stupid government paperwork but maybe you could pinch yourself, or think about a dog you ran over one time. While you are crying start chanting over and over again "life is not worth living! I know this is because I have big breasts! I wish I had never put that big gun in my desk drawer! I don't wanna go back to the nervous hospital!! wahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"