"My issue is that I have a hell of a time taking constant criticism from my superiors at work. I don’t mind constructive criticism, but constant; you’re not doing this right, or that, or anything else for that matter…it gets pretty old. How do I handle my situation with ass holes like this? And how long should I put up with it before quitting my job and locking myself in my bedroom to watch soap operas all day? "
Dear Soap - You know I have to get to the root of the problem first. Stop using that word "superiors." That's your first problem
I ain't met these folks but I am almost positive from reading your email that
1. you work for the government
2. your boss is either a woman who is jealous of how cute you are or they are a man who's jealous of you because they also wish they were as cute as you are and
3. your job IS A DAMN SOAP OPERA! Those pretty bitches on daytime tv wouldn't know drama if it jumped up and slapped them. The idiots you work with are way more entertainment. YOu have to learn to loosen up and see this from the right perspective. Make a list of 10 freaks you work with and imagine their homelife. see? made you laugh didn't I?
Now for how to handle the criticism. Start crying really hard and blow snot on them next time they try some of that verbal warfare. If they wanna fight let's have one. See if their complaints keep up when you have blown a big biohazard snotwad crying fit all over them. Make sure you stand real close. Hug them if you can get ahold of them. It's important to recognize the situation from time zero and get yourself manuevered into the right spot. I know it's hard to dredge up the emotion required for a big cry over some stupid government paperwork but maybe you could pinch yourself, or think about a dog you ran over one time. While you are crying start chanting over and over again "life is not worth living! I know this is because I have big breasts! I wish I had never put that big gun in my desk drawer! I don't wanna go back to the nervous hospital!! wahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Amy from Arizona writes..
My husband is out of work and I am a stay at home mother to 5 kids. It's tough living welfare check to welfare check. We can barely make payments on our new Escalade, and I'm tired of eating ramen noodles. I've briefly considered donating my eggs or even being a surrogate for a needy couple that can't have children of their own. I will get paid quite a bit of money for this, but I have family members that tell me that it is wrong to pimp out my uterus like that. What do YOU think?
Amy,
Amy, bless your heart. You don't have any problems. Your economic stimulus check is in the mail. Just wait for it. Keep your eggs in case times get harder than they already are. Walmart has Great Value brand Ramen Noodles. You have to cut back on the high falutin' name brand shit until the change comes.
My husband is out of work and I am a stay at home mother to 5 kids. It's tough living welfare check to welfare check. We can barely make payments on our new Escalade, and I'm tired of eating ramen noodles. I've briefly considered donating my eggs or even being a surrogate for a needy couple that can't have children of their own. I will get paid quite a bit of money for this, but I have family members that tell me that it is wrong to pimp out my uterus like that. What do YOU think?
Amy,
Amy, bless your heart. You don't have any problems. Your economic stimulus check is in the mail. Just wait for it. Keep your eggs in case times get harder than they already are. Walmart has Great Value brand Ramen Noodles. You have to cut back on the high falutin' name brand shit until the change comes.
Julie from Virginia asks...
Julie from Virginia asks...
How come when I have sex with my husband my vagina makes noises as though it has just finished eating a 5 course meal from Taco Bell? It's embarrassing!! What can I do about this?
Julie, Julie, Julie,
This is a hot mess as my 12 yr old FutureTrophyWife daughter would say.
First things first, Virginia is not the South. They think it's the South, but it's not. You may even be a transplant from somewhere farther North. How do I know this? Because even white trash Southern women do NOT pass gas. From any orifice. If you hear something that sounds like it might have been gas, it wasn't. It was the chair cushion. We don't snicker about it, we don't deny it, we certainly don't acknowledge it. It was just the silly chair. So what Taco Bell has to do with chairs I am not sure.
Secondly, your husband needs some help. If he was doing his job you wouldn't hear anything but angels singing. Your are going to have to get a divorce. If you need any help with that, let me know. I have played a divorce lawyer on the internet successfully for years.
How come when I have sex with my husband my vagina makes noises as though it has just finished eating a 5 course meal from Taco Bell? It's embarrassing!! What can I do about this?
Julie, Julie, Julie,
This is a hot mess as my 12 yr old FutureTrophyWife daughter would say.
First things first, Virginia is not the South. They think it's the South, but it's not. You may even be a transplant from somewhere farther North. How do I know this? Because even white trash Southern women do NOT pass gas. From any orifice. If you hear something that sounds like it might have been gas, it wasn't. It was the chair cushion. We don't snicker about it, we don't deny it, we certainly don't acknowledge it. It was just the silly chair. So what Taco Bell has to do with chairs I am not sure.
Secondly, your husband needs some help. If he was doing his job you wouldn't hear anything but angels singing. Your are going to have to get a divorce. If you need any help with that, let me know. I have played a divorce lawyer on the internet successfully for years.
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