Julie from Virginia asks...

Julie from Virginia asks...

How come when I have sex with my husband my vagina makes noises as though it has just finished eating a 5 course meal from Taco Bell? It's embarrassing!! What can I do about this?


Julie, Julie, Julie,

This is a hot mess as my 12 yr old FutureTrophyWife daughter would say.

First things first, Virginia is not the South. They think it's the South, but it's not. You may even be a transplant from somewhere farther North. How do I know this? Because even white trash Southern women do NOT pass gas. From any orifice. If you hear something that sounds like it might have been gas, it wasn't. It was the chair cushion. We don't snicker about it, we don't deny it, we certainly don't acknowledge it. It was just the silly chair. So what Taco Bell has to do with chairs I am not sure.

Secondly, your husband needs some help. If he was doing his job you wouldn't hear anything but angels singing. Your are going to have to get a divorce. If you need any help with that, let me know. I have played a divorce lawyer on the internet successfully for years.